Feb 14th, 2024. I ask God to Help me Cry.

A lot of things have been going on lately. A lot of things happening with this life. I can feel the weight on my chest. Hard to breath. Hard to focus. It's crazy feeling this way in a chaos of a city like New York. You feel whatever it is you're feeling 1000 times more cause of everything around you, at least thats how I felt on the train today. Just wanted to be somewhere quiet, just wanted to take a car somewhere, anywhere and not be in this city right now. And as much as I wanted to cry in that moment or any moment exactly like this, no tears ever fall. As much as I force it, "Help me to cry", nothing. Always nothing. The thing I need the most at that moment, tears of cleansing.....nothing.

The day goes on, one foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Then finally, tears...well sort of...they were actullay tears of joy, as funny as it seems. Yeah tears of joy. Joy in the light, the light that always let's me know that everything will be ok, more than ok, whether it's in a conversation with a friend, or laughter shared, or words of comfort. I don't know...the harder shit gets...the harder that light shines through....Which as crazy as it sounds too....makes me appreciate the pain...the beauty in that pain....the growth...the love in that pain....This city is fucking crazy too...The tough love this city gives, you have no choice but to grow, but to be stronger...it's crazy....

I want all y'all to know that the light is coming and will always always be.....the darker it gets, the brighter that motherfuler is going to shine and the faster it will run towards you.....it might take a minute but believe that that light is running as fast as that motherfucker can...and it will get to you...no matter fucking what....Stay stong young courageous souls, stay strong...the light is fucking coming <3